Saturday, August 06, 2005
My nightmare
why and why must life be like this ? so many questions but answers are left unsaid . gosh , i dont know why but somehow i feel alone . like there isn't anyone to talk to and no one to turn to out of the sudden. i dreamt that Serene, Eliza , Livia and Shazana walked out of my life yesterday. i can remember partially what my dream is .
so this is how it goes :
Serene , Eliza , Livia and Shazana asked me along for a trip to some beach in singapore and we were having alot of fun . All for of them bought big bagpacks. like those for campings. i was wondering why bring such a big bag to such a place. then , we had to change into our swimsuits or something casual to play in the sea so we all headed to the cubicles in the toilets and we started changing one by one. there were 4 cubicles so one of us have to change later on. so i volunteered to change after one is done. i waited there for about 5 mins then Serene came out . so i got in and started changing. but to my realization , the 4 of them already left without me . so i when i came out , i did not see any of them. i could only see my reflection through the mirror . and the mirror said " you still love her* (her* is her name ) i was scared yet shocked. so i tried to find the exit of the toilet but i couldn't . i searched everywhere of that small toilet but the exit was no where to be found. i panicked and i found this small hole and i crawled out of it . when i got out , i could see the exit but i remembered very clearly that there wasnt any door when i was in there. then the dream got really weird cause when i walked back to where we put our stuff, they were all gone . all their things left with them and i stood there all alone staring at the clouds thinking what had happened . looking around , i found this box at the bridge. "i don't know why there was a bridge , but there was a bridge" so i looked into the box and found alot of things and memories that the 5 of us had , and some were memories of me and her* . i really got very scared . the box had pictures that we took , things we have done together , little bits of paper filled with notes and the funniest things, everyone's pillow or boaster. cause each of us had this baby pillow or boaster that we had since young. so it had livia's orange pillow , shazana's blue pillow . and i'm not sure what the other two were. but there was a boaster that had prints on them. and my own pillow was in there too. like what the hell.
not only that , i found poems that she* wrote for me and stuff animals that she gave to me and a note that she written . i read the note. and i couldnt remember what it said but all i remember was that it was a card with a flower on it and the things written in there were something i've never read before. digging through everything , there was a note from all 5 of you . it said something like good bye. good riddance . we're going somewhere and you're not coming with us . your on your own. then i just stood there holding the box crying .
dream ends- somehow i find that this dream is telling me something. i think i'm being too paranoid but it seems like i'm thinking so strangely and it was so real when i found the box. this dream is weird but i feel very scared when i woke up. like i was alone , like i am i really going to have to be on my own. ahh
