Tuesday, September 13, 2005
I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made
But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me
If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you want me like this
And if you need me like that
It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me
It's so hard to resist
And it's all coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now .
This song " its all coming back to me now " By Celine Dion , really relates to how i am feeling right now . Whenever i think i've forgotten you , its comes back . And i think i've gotten over you , you come back . i just have to face the facts that i cant let you go . though i keep thinking the feelings are fading . what rubbish Demelza . i keep escaping from reality . i'm living in denial. sighs . i am just one stressed out Kid who never understands why . my mood's zero right now . like really ZERO. not a bit interested in anything at all . i ate my dinner with just 2 scoops of rice and one tofu and a few mushrooms and thats all . i dont feel like eating , i dont feel like doing anything but just sleep . i dont know how to open up my thoughts to you , my mind's occupied with thoughts . I am like listless. i get so occupied with thoughts that i forget what i am doing . i started off with school looking all grouchy , tired ,pale looking and eyes swollen . must be from all that crazy crying last night . but after assembly , my mood got better cause i thought that if i was too be sad , i am making people who love me suffer . so i hid my real emotions and let those "happy" emotions take me over . i just dont want people to worry for me but some times i feel that i just have to break loose . everything's out to drive me mad and to my grave . my mood's been horribly bad and my stupid shit kidneys hurts .STILL HURTS. i wonder when will it stop . GOD, can i just have kidney problems and then just lie all day with needles and injections in my arms so that the pain from the needles would just stop me from thinking negatively . i am very sick of this . it cant seem to stop . i AM SICK EMOTIONALLY , MENTALLY. today , i just played with the pen knifes and i just made a small cut and in the end it started bleeding . its going to be a scar . I JUST REALISE NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU CUT , YOU SITLL WILL FEEL THE SAME . i am like fuck shit now. i dont want to think about anything . how much i miss those times and all . i'm just gonna sleep really soon and clear my mind . i'm off.
